Motion sickness.
When you call me by my name and have something nice to follow it with.
Your breath still smells like whisky.
I can’t find words.
I roll out of bed, back into the illusion of life you create created for us.
I don’t feel alive.
The deli man on 4th says I look tired. He says I should take a day off.
“You’ll never have to work a day in your life”, but recovering from our nights together is hard work.
I have 3 children.
You said that they’re ours.
Every morning I dissociate through breakfast and drop off.
Maybe the 8 hours I have in the company of my to do list is when I feel alive.
I walk past the Pacific Ocean and surrender in its glory.
The waves crash freely into the shore.
I want to be free.
I’ll wake up one day and have the courage to let go.
Surrender to the unknown.
What will be a beautiful new beginning.
Until then I’ll be here checking off my never ending to do list.
I hope the list never ends and the sun never sets.
Your Subtle Bodies 